A MAN CAN'T DO RIGHT IF HE TRIES

I WAS FIRST GIVEN THE NAME "MAD TONE" BY RICHARD, A FRIEND OF MINE.HE MEANT "MAD" IN THE "SILLY AS A HAT FULL OF ARSEHOLES" WAY--BUT MY WRITINGS, AS DALE ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE HAS POINTED OUT--HAS BEEN "MAD" IN THE ANGRY KIND OF WAY.SO BARING ANY NATURAL OR WORLDLY BUGGER UPS-FOR A WHILE WE SHALL BE DOING MORE OF THE AUSTRALIAN BUSH TYPE POEMS.YOU MAY FIND (AS IN THIS ONE) JIM AND LORNE POP UP,THEY ARE A COUPLE OF LOVELY DOWN TO EARTH PEOPLE I MET SOME YEARS AGO.JIM WAS A SHEARER AND FATHER OF FOUR,WHO SPENT MUCH OF HIS CHILDRENS EARLY YEARS TRAVELLING AUSTRALIA SHEARING.LORNE THE DILIGENT WIFE SHE WAS,STAYED AT HOME AND RAISED THE KIDS.JIM WAS THE KIND OF BLOKE THAT WOULD GO TO THE RUBBISH DUMP (TIP) AND COME BACK WITH MORE THAN HE TOOK,MUCH TO LORNE'S DISGUST.JIM HASN'T BEEN WELL OF LATE AND I RE-DEDICATE THIS "BUSH POEM " TO HIM

"WHATS THE MATTER PET" SAID JIM,
AS HE STRUGGLES OUT OF BED.
"WHAT YOU DOIN,WHAT YA THINKIN?
TELL ME ,WHATS A STIRRING IN YER HEAD ?"

"OH,DON'T WORRY JIM,
IT WAS JUST A SILLY WISH
I WAS PICTURING IN THE FRONT YARD,
A NICE POND,WITH SOME FISH."

"THATS O.K PET,SHE'LL BE RIGHT,
NO SOONER SAID THAN DONE.
YOU KNOW I LIKE A CHALLENGE,
BESIDES,THIS COULD BE FUN,
AND I KNOW THE VERY THING",HE SAID
"WELL BUGGER,BLESS MY SOLE,
I'M POPPING DOWN THE ROAD PET,
GET THE SPADE AND DIG THE HOLE."

WELL,LORNE GOT OUT HER DIGGING BOOTS
AND HER BEST CAR BOOT SALE SHIRT.
SHE WAS MUD FROM ARSE TO ARMPIT
AS SHE STARTED DIGGING DIRT.
AND BY THE TIME OLD JIM GOT BACK
SHE'D A TRENCH FROM DRIVE TO PATH
"YOU POOR OLD BUGGER,SILLY THING,
THATS TOO BIG FOR THIS BATH".

"A BATH ?" SHE SAID"WHATS THAT FOR?
YOU SAID I'D GET A POND
YOU COULDN'T MAKE THAT THING LOOK RIGHT
WITH A BLOODY MAGIC WAND"
"NO WORRIES PET,SHE'LL BE RIGHT
GO GET THE FISHING POLE
AND WHILE YOU'RE BUSY DOING THAT.
I'LL FILL IN HALF THE HOLE".

"BUT I WANTED A FISH POND,
NOT A BLOODY BATH,
NOT SITTING IN MY FRONT YARD,
EVERYONE WILL LAUGH.
AND WHAT YA MEAN,THE FISHING POLE?
WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT?
I WANT IT FULL OF GOLDFISH
NOT CARP AND BLOODY TROUT."

"WELL,THERE'S NO PLEASING SOME,"SAID JIM
"I CAN'T DO RIGHT NO FEAR,
I'LL JUST HAVE TO THINK ON THIS,
GET A SMOKE,LETS HAVE A BEER".
AND JIM STILL SITS THERE THINKING
FIVE YEARS DOWN THE PATH,
ITS THE ONLY HOUSE IN THEIR STREET,
THATS GOT A FRONT YARD BATH