THE ENEMA QUEEN

Shocking title that---sounds like a movie that Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart should have been in. I don't know how women do it, I don't know how they go to the doctor get their gear off and say "have a look at that doc" .I can't do it, I'm 60 years old there are bits of me I'm sure doctors should be looking at-and I find it so difficult . My prostate, I believe is due for a service-I cannot go to a doctor and ask him to do what is required to check such bits. People tell me there are other ways of doing it these days-but I reckon they are just trying to get me in there. And you know what, it all goes back to an enema I had twenty odd years ago. How the hell some kinky buggers do that for fun I don't know. " I love you darling, how about an enema" ---not for me I'm afraid-I'll stick to the chocolates and flowers and hope for the best. I give you "The Enema Queen" This is a 100% true story.

THE ENEMA QUEEN


I LOVE A GIRL IN UNIFORM
WITH ROUND AND PERT YOUNG BREASTS.
A HEM THAT STOPS ABOVE THE KNEE
BUT LEAVES TO GUESS,THE REST.
PRETTY BLONDED HAIR HELD BACK
WITH A CUTE AND UPTURNED NOSE
A LOVELY SMILE AND MANNER,AND
A LENGTH OF RUBBER HOSE.
"WHAT?"
I SAID "A LENGTH OF RUBBER HOSE."


"HELLO MR NORMAN,
AND HOW ARE WE TODAY?"
"WELL,I'M OK,HOW ARE YOU?
LOOKING GOOD I'LL SAY."
"OH DON'T BE A CHEEKY SILLY SOD,
I'M YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER."
"ERE,WHATS THAT YOU'VE GOT IN YOUR HAND"
"OH!,ITS A PINT OF SOAPY WATER."
"WHAT?"
"I SAID,A PINT OF SOAPY WATER."


"WELL,WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT,
AND THE LENGTH OF RUBBER HOSE?
ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE MY BACK A WASH,
OR ARE YOU CHANGING MY BEDCLOTHES?"
"MR NORMAN,ITS NOT LIKE THAT,
NO WASHING CLOTHES OR BACKS,
NOW PLEASE ROLL OVER ON YOUR SIDE,
AND LET YOUR BUM RELAX."
"WHAT?"
"I SAID,LET YOUR BUM RELAX."


"DON'T MOVE AROUND,"SHE WARNED ME,
"LIE NICE AND STILL" SHE SAID.
NO MUCKING AROUND OR LAUGHING,
OR WE'LL MAKE A MESS ON BED.
WELL,I'VE NEVER KNOWN MUCH LIKE IT.
TO MY SHOCK,IT CAME TO PASS.
THAT "PERT YOUNG BREASTS" WAS AIMING
LENGTH OF HOSE RIGHT UP ME ARSE.
"WHAT?"
"I SAID,LENGTH OF HOSE RIGHT UP ME ARSE."


WELL,SHE'D NEVER SAID SHE LOVED ME.
NO SIGN OF LUST,JUST CARE.
BUT HERE WAS A COMPLETE YOUNG STRANGER,
SHOVING HOSE PIPE UP MY REAR.
WELL,BLOKE NEXTDOOR SAW FUNNY SIDE,
AND DECIDES TO JOKE AND JEST,
"MR NORMAN,PLEASE STOP MUCKING ROUND
OR YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A MESS"
"WHAT?"
"I SAID,YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A MESS."


I'VE NEVER KNOWN EMBARRASSMENT
LIKE I ENCOUNTERED ON THAT DAY.
BUT HERE'S HOW STORY ENDED,THEN
THATS ALL I'LL HAVE TO SAY.
YOU SEE,I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIT ME
IT STARTED FIRST WITH GAS.
AND THEN MY GUTS EXPLODED,AND,
I COVERED POOR YOUNG LASS.
"WHAT?"
"THATS RIGHT,I'M ASHAMED TO SAY,I COVERED POOR YOUNG LASS"