HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY ASH OF LEIGH

Pete,happens to be my best mate (I actually have three best male mates of which he's one)He's my wife's(Julie) cousin's husband.He's the father of three of my nieces,borderline pervert,but all round good chap.The three girls Ashleigh,Jenna and Tayla are three of the most lovely kids you'd ever meet--well mannered,loving and talented,all of which they obviously get from their mother Sue,because Pete is none of the above--as I said borderline pervert,ill mannered,drinks, swears and is a constant serial pest on the email.I've written before about Ashleigh in "Lady Ash Of Leigh".She is Pete and Sue's eldest and has just turned eighteen.The party is this week and Pete asked me to write something for her---how the hell I'm supposed to keep churning this stuff out when he has three kids all as good as eachother I don't know.As a writer I hope one of them turns out to be a real bitch--so I can write as such,but as an uncle,I want them to stay just the way they are.By the way to my English readers,a Violet Crumble is something like a Crunchie (choc covered honeycombe)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY ASH OF LEIGH

"HEAR YE,HEAR YE,HEAR YE ,HEAR YE,
GATHER ROUND AND HARK TO ME.
AS WE CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY
OF LADY ASH OF LEIGH.
T'WAS EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO,
PLUS NINE MONTHS,TWO WEEKS,ONE DAY,
SINCE DADDY, JUMPED ON MUMMY
AND ASH WAS ON HER WAY.
SUCH A PRETTY BOUNCING BABY GIRL,
AS PARENTS,THEY SURE HAD LUCK
WHEN SHE WAS PULLED INTO THE WORLD
WITH AID OF FAUCEPS,ROPE AND TRUCK.

A BEAUTIFULL HEAD OF DARKENED HAIR,
BUT,(AND DON'T TAKE THIS AS A GRUMBLE)
BRUNETTE ON OUTSIDE,BLONDE WITHIN.
SO WE CALL HER "VIOLET CRUMBLE"
SHE'S NEVER GIVEN ANY TROUBLE,ASH
WITH HER SISTERS SHARING TOYS,
AND NOW SHE'S GETTING OLDER
SHE EVEN SHARES THE BOYS.
NOT THAT HE'S MUCH TO TALK ABOUT,
AND T'WOULD SEND THE SUBJECT SOUR.
DAD,BEING A LIFETIME PARRA EEL,
WHILE "THE DOPE" RUNS ON PANTHER POWER.

BUT,I'M NOT WASTING TIME ON HIM,
HE'S JUST A PENRITH PEST,
BUT,THATS ANOTHER STORY
AND IT'S ASHLEIGH WHO'S OUR GUEST.
NOW,THAT SHE HAS GROWN UP
GONE ARE DIRTY HABITS
NO MORE HIDDEN BRA'S AND PANTS,
BARBIE DOLLS OR MOLLY RABBITS.
SHE EVEN HAS A CAR YOU KNOW?
SO NOW,HER SICKO DAD,
NO TRIPS TO CHEERGIRL TRAINING.
HE MISSES OUT---TOO BAD.

SO,LADIES RAISE YOUR GLASSES,
AND FELLAS,RAISE YOUR BEERS
LETS ALL BE UPSTANDING
AND GIVE THE GIRL THREE CHEERS

"HIP HIP HOORAY,HIP HIP HOORAY HIP HIP HOORAY"

MAY ALL YOUR DAYS BE HAPPY,
AND MANY MORE TO THEE
HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY
OUR LADY,ASH OF LEIGH