I DONT WANT A BIGGER PENIS (just who told you I did?)

Spam.-----I'd never heard of it.Well,I had but as all over 50's will tell you,the Spam we knew came in a can and went really well with H P Sauce.But now,now that I've become a techno new age guy,I have a new use for the word--that is,crap emails--stuff that used to be hanging out of your letterbox when you came home (and still does) now jumps out at you from your "inbox".Where do these people get the idea that you need such things.I've had thirty different people this week tell me they can make my Willie bigger,twenty approved home loans,I've won fifty lotteries,been left thirtyseven fortunes by long lost uncles in Botswana,and had umpteen Russian Babes tell me that "they want for to make love with me" Brilliant,but where does all this come from? Turn on you computer in the morning "You have 28 new messages"---I sure do,27 of mixed above mentioned, and one from someone else that has heard I'm very obese and that they can assure me I can lose 25 lbs in a week---sure I can,if I have my left arm amputated--I give you

I DON'T WANT A BIGGER PENIS (just who told you I did ?)

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF CALLED SPAM,
BECAUSE,I'M NO COMPUTER GEEK.
"YOUR HOUSING LOAN ,HAS BEEN APPROVED"
GREAT,THATS THE FIFTEENTH ONE THIS WEEK.
"MR SMYTHE HAS DIED IN BOTSWANA
AND,HE'S LEFT YOU ALL HE'S WORTH.
I WILL SEND IT ALL ON TO YOU,
IF YOU SEND ME,FIVE HUNDRED FIRST"
WELL,THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BARGAIN,
"THANK YOU,YOU ARE VERY KIND,AND
I'LL REMEMBER YOUR FINE OFFER,
SHOULD,I EVER LOSE MY MIND."

"HOORAY,HOORAY"----I'VE WON THE LOTTO,
SO,THE BOSS CAN GO AND STICK IT.
I'VE JUST RECIEVED AN EMAIL,SAID
"YOU'VE GOT THE WINNING TICKET."
I'M RICH,I'M RICH,I'M RICH AT LAST
(AS I ERUPT,INTO HYSTERIA)
HANG ON---------WAIT A MINUTE,
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO NIGERIA.

"HELLO,NAME IS ME NATALIA,
AND AM FOR LOVE ME WITH YOU,
ME LIVE ALL LONG WAY,FROM RUSSIA
AND WANT ME FOR LOVE YOU TOO"
"WHAT!!!!!"
"HELLO,NAME IS ME NATALIA,
AND AM FOR LOVE ME WITH YOU,
ME LIVE ALL ONG WAY,FROM RUSSIA
AND WANT ME FOR LOVE YOU TOO"
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE EMAIL SAID.
AND,ALTHOUGH SHE SOUNDED SWEET
"SORRY NATALIA,I'M A MARRIED MAN"
TYPE--ENTER--SEND---DELETE.

NO,I DON'T WANT TO BUY VIAGRA,
TO LAST LONGER FROM THE START.
WE LIKE TO GET IT OVER QUICK,
PLUS---I'VE GOT A DICKIE HEART.
"GROW THREE MORE INCHES QUICKLY,
GIVE YOUR WIFE MUCH MORE DELIGHT,
POP THESE PILLS,THEN GO TO BED
HEY PRESTO--IT'LL HAPPEN OVERNIGHT."
I DON'T WANT A BIGGER PENIS,AND
JUST WHO TOLD YOU I DID?
I'M HAPPY WITH THE ONE I'VE GOT
AND WOULDN'T SWAP FOR QUIDS.