DAVID

This,is a poem I wrote way back in 1991,and the event took place seven years before that.My children,would have had an older brother David,but he died just a few hours after being born. Very sad,and in those days very difficult to deal with. Not that its easy these days,but 25 years ago there seemed to be very little help available,not for the mother--and even less for the father,who it seemed was to stand straight tall and tough,and be the rock that his wife could lean on."Men don't cry,men don't show feelings,because if you do ,you are weak and others can't depend on you."---and that wasn't just the way people thought,it was what I was told at the hospital.You spend the best part of nine months watching something grow,you ready your home and life to accomodate another person--and then ?--nothing,gone----but get on with your life.
This all comes back to me ,even now when I hear of people going through similar things,be it loss at birth,or loss by accident,suicide,drugs, and such other things later in life--it becomes no easier a loss is a loss,and you can't just "get over it"

DAVID

Many years ago now,I saw our baby die,
yet still,I ask the question,"Why?"
"you'll have to be strong"the doctor said.
"carry on with life,your baby's dead,
your wife,she's in a state of shock-
stand straight,stand tall,just be her rock."
Well,I felt I shouldn't shed a tear,
but Christ ! I saw him laying there.

I saw his feeble fight for life,
I saw more than my darling wife.
But I wasn't allowed that time to cry,
with her so weak,well how could I ?
But still this feeling welled inside,
which long years since,I've failed to hide.
But,at the time,put to the test
I did what the experts- told me best.

But,it seems I didn't have a clue,
it didn't help me,and sure won't help you.
Yet,thats what he told me,"get on with life,
its best for you,and for your wife."
when probably,through all this muddle,
what I needed was to cry,and cuddle.
Love surely finds a better way
to soothe the heartbreaks of the day.

I should have done my thing,but I did theirs,
me being tough,while she shed the tears.
But,my crying all came late at night,
beyond her ears,beyond her sight.
So,I guess she fought all alone,
whilst I held my battle inside.
but how I wished more every day,
that I'd let it go,--and cried.

copyright ToeKneez Lyrics 11/6/991 original --re-write 2/5/2008