"THE PARRAMATTA BEER SQUAD"

I'll try to make this my last sporting one for a while,though its not really sporting.its more of a social issue.We hear it the World over,may it be Wayne Rooney getting drunk in England or Tim Smith getting drunk in Sydney.These lads that as youngsters were discovered to be able to kick,or throw a ball about better than most--suddenly become role models.Why? How? The poor sods are put under a spotlight by the media and expected to behave,because youngsters look up to them.Once again How? Why? They are good at what they do,and thats all.
Some of the lads at my Parramatta club have been in trouble lately,what with girls and drinks etc.All the things that young doctors,solicitors and NEWSPAPER REPORTERS do.But we never hear of it do we? We take kids from schools,pay them a whole lot of money,with very little training on how to look after it,and themselves.Then they get a bucket dumped on them when the slip up."It didn't happen in the old day"-----Bullshit,yes it did. I give you "The Parramatta Beer Squad" obviously names such as Tim,Piggy,Hayne,The Guru,Hindy,Nate are all Parramatta players.Chook Raper was an Australian International,way back when players didn't used to get in trouble-----yeah right!.

"THE PARRAMATTA BEER SQUAD"

"WE DON'T WAVE SILLY POM-POMS,
AND WE DON'T WEAR SKIMPY SKIRTS,
WE'RE THE PARRAMATTA BEER SQUAD,
AND WE WEAR FOOTY SHIRTS."

"LINE EM UP" SAID PIGGY
TIM SAID"I'LL HAVE SOME AS WELL,
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN TRAINING,
AH,BUT WHAT THE HELL?
WE ALL PLAYED SHOCKING LAST WEEK,
ANOTHER BLOODY LOSS,
BUT HALF THE BOYS ARE MOVING ON,
AND WE DON'T GIVE A TOSS."

BRING THE BOYS HOME HINDY,
THEY'VE BEEN ON THE GROG ALL NIGHT,
HAYNE'S BEEN BITING SHEILAS
AND NATE PUNCHED OUT THE LIGHT.
"HEY BOYS,WHERE'S THE GURU?"
THE BLUES SELECTORS SAID.
"HE'S HOME ALONE,CAN'T HEAR THE PHONE,
AND STILL IN BLOODY BED."

OF COURSE THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN,
THEY SAY,IN YEARS GONE BY.
"ALL WE DID WAS WORK AND TRAIN,
AND TRY,AND TRY,AND TRY."
BUT,I DON'T THINK IT WAS DRINKING MILK,
IT MUST HAVE BEEN MORE THAN THAT,
THAT LEFT CHOOK RAPER NAKED,
EXCEPT,THATS FOR HIS HAT.

BUT,WE DON'T WAVE SILLY POM-POMS,
AND WE DON'T WEAR FRILLY SKIRTS,
WE'RE THE PARRAMATTA BEER SQUAD,
AND WE WEAR FOOTY SHIRTS.

WHEN FUI BECOMES A LEGEND

Another sporting one I'm afraid----Parramatta, my rugby league team have had a real crap year--after finishing top of the ladder last year,this year with the very same players we are playing HORRIBLE can't win a trick,our Coach was sacked pre-season,but left in charge for the season (made no sense)all the players are mucking up,getting pissed,and biting women or beating up lift lights after having a belly full of lunatic soup.The one light in the whole season ,is the form of one Fuifui Moimoi--(pronounced foo ee foo ee moi moi) I believe his origin is Tongan.A bit of a loose cannon at times---he's been suspended many times,head high tackles etc,and only this past week or so was accused,though cleared of biting --But he is playing really good,and has become a crowd pleaser.I reckon he is the foundation on which we shall build once more a GREAT Parramatta team.All teams,once a legend is born,name things after them--obviously the names mentioned,are Parramatta legends of a forgone era.Great players of which Fuifui Moimoi will become of in years to come.

WHEN FUI BECOMES A LEGEND

WHEN FUI,BECOMES "A LEGEND"
WHAT WILL WE CALL HIS PLACE?
THIS PARRAMATTA POWERHOUSE
THAT SETS THE FRONT ROWS PACE.
A MAN OF STEEL,AND GRITTED TEETH,
THOUGH,SOMETIMES MISUNDERSTOOD.
FREQUENTLY SUSPENDED.
BUT,WHEN HE'S NOT
HE'S BLOODY GOOD.

WE'VE GOT THE MICHAEL CRONIN STAND,
KEN THORNETT,HAS GOT ONE TOO.
STERLO AND KENNY HAVE THEIR HILLS,
AND,PRICEY'S LOUNGE,TO NAME A FEW.
SO,WHAT'S LEFT FOR OUR HERO?
WHAT'S LEFT TO BARE HIS NAME?
AFTER FUI LEADS US TO THE TOP
ONCE MORE,TO RULE OUR GAME.

WHAT ABOUT "THE FUI FOYER"
AS WE ENTER FROM THE STREET?
WHERE WE COULD MEET OUR FRIENDS "HEAD HI!"
YEP,THAT WOULD BE REAL NEAT.
OR,THE FUIFUI FOOD BAR
SELLING PIES AND CHIPS AND MORE,
ALL COULD DROP IN FOR A BITE
WHERE THE MEAT IS SERVED UP RAW.

ALL THE OLD GIRLS LOVE YOUNG FUI,
FROM THEIR SEATS I'VE HEARD THEM GIGGLE,
AS THEY WATCH THIS FINE YOUNG SPECIMEN
I'VE SEEN THEM SQUIRM AND WRIGGLE.
SO,I'M SURE OUR OLDER LADIES
WOULD SHOUT AND SCREAM WITH JOY.
IF HE WERE MADE PARRAMATTA,OFFICIAL
"FUIFUI TOY BOY"

OR,WHAT ABOUT THAT PRAT THAT STANDS
ON THE FIELD ,PRE-MATCH EACH GAME.
WE COULD GIVE,THAT THING HE HOLDS
OUR SPECIAL PLAYERS NAME.
I COULD SEE HIM THERE,MICK MARTIN,
AND EACH TIME WE'D HEAR A GROAN
AS HE SHOUTS THINGS,WE DON'T UNDERSTAND,
DOWN "THE MOIMOI MOICROPHONE"

A TRIBUTE TO A FUTURE LEGEND THE GREAT FUIFUI MOIMOI 22/6/06

"ALL THERE IN BLACK'N'WHITE"

Wife of former Wisbech Town F C manager Roy McManus,Liz (who by the way does the best tripe and onions of any b & b in the Wisbech area)is a serial pest with emails.If you want your inbox to be full of total crap,with the odd smattering of good stuff,do what I did and get yourself on her mailing list.Anyway,the other day along with an email regarding the sexual habits bishee-barny bees (lady-birds),she suggested I should write a poem on The World Cup.So,I did.There you go Liz,I give you

ALL THERE IN BLACK'N'WHITE


LAST NIGHT,I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM,
IT SURELY WOKE ME UP.
WHEN I DREAMPT THAT 'MOTHER ENGLAND'
HAD WON,THE WORLD CUP.
IT WAS ALL SO REAL AND VIVID,
YOU COULD SWEAR,THAT I WAS THERE.
AS I SAW THE ENGLAND CAPTAIN
RAISE THE TROPHY IN THE AIR.

IN THE GROUPS,WE'D REALLY STARTED SLOW,
FIRST WAS NIL ALL DRAW.
BUT WE SCORED TWO IN THE NEXT ONE,
AND IN THE THIRD,A COUPLE MORE.
SO,THAT HAD PUT US TOP OF GROUP,
WE,TO THE QUARTER FINALS FLEW.
IN THAT,THOUGH WE ONLY NETTED ONE,
BUT,THEY GOT NONE,WE'RE THROUGH.

TO THE SEMI FINALS OFF WE WENT
OUR JOB WAS THREE PARTS DONE.
WE SLOTTED HOME TWO GOALS THAT DAY,
OUR FOES, COULD GET BUT ONE,
THE FINAL,WE HAD MADE IT.
WE WERE READY,WE WERE PUMPED,
BUT AFTER TWELVE WE LET ONE IN
TO AN EARLY LEAD THEY'D JUMPED.

ON EIGHTEEN MINUTES,WE GOT IT BACK,
BY SEVENTY EIGHT,WE'D GONE AHEAD.
BUT RIGHT ON NINETY,THEY EQUALIZED
NINETY SEVEN THOUSAND FANS,STUNNED DEAD.
IN EXTRA TIME OUR MEN MARCHED ON,
THEY WERE TIRED,AND THEY WERE SORE.
BUT RULE BRITANIA RULED THE WAVES,
WHEN, THE HAMMER HIT TWO MORE.

WHAT?

THE HAMMER HIT TWO MORE.

AND NOBBY HELD THE CUP ON HIGH,
HE SKIPPED AS ROUND HE WENT.
THE SMILING FACE OF GEOFFREY HURST,
HIS HAT-TRICK HEAVEN SENT.
GORDON BANKS HAD KEPT THEM OUT,
RAY WILSON AND GEORGE COHEN
BOBBY MOORE,JACK CHARLTON,MARTIN PETERS
WERE STARS.THAT JUST KEPT GOIN'
ROGER HUNT,BOBBY CHARLTON,NOT FORGETTING ALAN BALL
ELEVEN HERO'S ON THAT DAY,
MADE ALF RAMSEY "KING OF ALL".

THE THIRTIETH JULY,NINETEEN SIXTY-SIX
A DATE THATS ETCHED IN STONE.
UNTIL THAT IS,SAME TIME THIS YEAR
WHEN WE BRING THE TROPHY HOME.
WELL,I SUPPOSE THIS ALL EXPLAINS ONE THING,
THE MYSTERY OF THE NIGHT.
IT EXPLAINS TO ME THE REASON,
IT WAS ALL,IN BLACK'N'WHITE

DANCE LITTLE ELLIE--DANCE

This is a poem for a special girl--I won't mention who she is,she's not known as Ellie,only to those "in the know".But I do hope she will find this poem special and a extra special gift from me.

DANCE LITTLE ELLIE,DANCE.

DANCE LITTLE ELLIE,DANCE.
SEE? YOU'RE FLOATING,JUST LIKE A CLOUD.
DANCE LITTLE ELLIE DANCE,
MAKE POPPY,OH SO PROUD.
RING A RING A ROSIE,
A TEAPOT,SHORT AND STOUT.
ONE DAY,YOU'LL BE A BIG GIRL,
THATS WHAT LIFE'S ALL ABOUT.

DANCE FOR ME ELLIE,DANCE,
I'LL WATCH YOU GLIDE ACROSS THE FLOOR,
MY PRETTY,SILVER WINGED ANGEL-
"BRAVO--MORE,MORE,MORE"
DANCE FOR ME ELLIE,DANCE
YOU'RE GROWING UP AND HOW,
BEAUTIFUL AND GRACEFUL,
ALMOST A BIG GIRL NOW.

DANCE FOR ME ELLIE,DANCE,
ON POINTED TOE YOU GO.
MY PRIMA BALERINA,
THATS WHAT YOU ARE YOU KNOW?
DANCE FOR ME ELLIE,DANCE
KICK YOUR LEGS TOWARD THE SKY,
YOU KNOW ,THAT I'LL BE WATCHING
AS MY CLOUD GOES PASSING BY.

DANCE FOR ME ELLIE,DANCE.
WHY? STILL I LOOK, YOU SEE?
I'M WATCHING NOW YOU'VE GROWN UP
ALTHOUGH YOU CAN'T SEE ME.
YOU KNOW,I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE
AND I'LL FIND YOU IN LIFES CROWD.
KEEP DANCING FOR ME ELLIE,
YOU'VE MADE YOUR POPPY PROUD.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY ASH OF LEIGH

Pete,happens to be my best mate (I actually have three best male mates of which he's one)He's my wife's(Julie) cousin's husband.He's the father of three of my nieces,borderline pervert,but all round good chap.The three girls Ashleigh,Jenna and Tayla are three of the most lovely kids you'd ever meet--well mannered,loving and talented,all of which they obviously get from their mother Sue,because Pete is none of the above--as I said borderline pervert,ill mannered,drinks, swears and is a constant serial pest on the email.I've written before about Ashleigh in "Lady Ash Of Leigh".She is Pete and Sue's eldest and has just turned eighteen.The party is this week and Pete asked me to write something for her---how the hell I'm supposed to keep churning this stuff out when he has three kids all as good as eachother I don't know.As a writer I hope one of them turns out to be a real bitch--so I can write as such,but as an uncle,I want them to stay just the way they are.By the way to my English readers,a Violet Crumble is something like a Crunchie (choc covered honeycombe)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY ASH OF LEIGH

"HEAR YE,HEAR YE,HEAR YE ,HEAR YE,
GATHER ROUND AND HARK TO ME.
AS WE CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY
OF LADY ASH OF LEIGH.
T'WAS EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO,
PLUS NINE MONTHS,TWO WEEKS,ONE DAY,
SINCE DADDY, JUMPED ON MUMMY
AND ASH WAS ON HER WAY.
SUCH A PRETTY BOUNCING BABY GIRL,
AS PARENTS,THEY SURE HAD LUCK
WHEN SHE WAS PULLED INTO THE WORLD
WITH AID OF FAUCEPS,ROPE AND TRUCK.

A BEAUTIFULL HEAD OF DARKENED HAIR,
BUT,(AND DON'T TAKE THIS AS A GRUMBLE)
BRUNETTE ON OUTSIDE,BLONDE WITHIN.
SO WE CALL HER "VIOLET CRUMBLE"
SHE'S NEVER GIVEN ANY TROUBLE,ASH
WITH HER SISTERS SHARING TOYS,
AND NOW SHE'S GETTING OLDER
SHE EVEN SHARES THE BOYS.
NOT THAT HE'S MUCH TO TALK ABOUT,
AND T'WOULD SEND THE SUBJECT SOUR.
DAD,BEING A LIFETIME PARRA EEL,
WHILE "THE DOPE" RUNS ON PANTHER POWER.

BUT,I'M NOT WASTING TIME ON HIM,
HE'S JUST A PENRITH PEST,
BUT,THATS ANOTHER STORY
AND IT'S ASHLEIGH WHO'S OUR GUEST.
NOW,THAT SHE HAS GROWN UP
GONE ARE DIRTY HABITS
NO MORE HIDDEN BRA'S AND PANTS,
BARBIE DOLLS OR MOLLY RABBITS.
SHE EVEN HAS A CAR YOU KNOW?
SO NOW,HER SICKO DAD,
NO TRIPS TO CHEERGIRL TRAINING.
HE MISSES OUT---TOO BAD.

SO,LADIES RAISE YOUR GLASSES,
AND FELLAS,RAISE YOUR BEERS
LETS ALL BE UPSTANDING
AND GIVE THE GIRL THREE CHEERS

"HIP HIP HOORAY,HIP HIP HOORAY HIP HIP HOORAY"

MAY ALL YOUR DAYS BE HAPPY,
AND MANY MORE TO THEE
HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY
OUR LADY,ASH OF LEIGH