WHEN THE WORLD WAS GREEN

We humans made the mess of the world that it is today,and for all the stupid planning,raping and pillage we have done,we now pay the price,but long ago ,when the world was green----aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh


WHEN THE WORLD WAS GREEN,
AND NOT OBSCENE.
NOT COVERED WITH MANS SCARS,
BEFORE THE DAYS OF BIG MACHINES
OF TRAINS AND MOTOR CARS
A TIME WHEN WE COULD WALK AROUND
BREATHING IN FRESH AIR.
WHEN CHILDREN WOULD ALL LIVE THEIR LIFE
WITH NO NUCLEAR FEAR.
WHEN MAN WOULD TAKE FROM THE LAND
ONLY WHAT HE'D NEED.
BUILD HIS HOUSE,AND LEAVE THE REST
BEFORE INDUSTRIAL GREED.
NO THOUGHTS OF BIG MOTOR WAYS
CUTTING THROUGH OUR HILLS.
NO SPREAD OF AIDS,NO SEX DISEASE
OR ANTI-BABY PILLS
NO RUNNING FOR ABORTION
NO RIPPING LIFE APART
OR NIPPING NATURE IN THE BUD
BEFORE A LIFE CAN START.
NO WAY,WERE WE A NUMBER
PRIOR TO COMPUTER AGE
BEFORE THE DAYS OF BLACK AND WHITE
ANTI-APARTHIED RAGE.
NO SEX ,NO DRUGS OR ROCK AND ROLL
NO QUEUING FOR THE DOLE
NO LIBERAL,LABOUR ,DEMOCRATS
NO VOTING AT THE POLL.
THE DAYS WHEN LIFE WAS SIMPLE
THE WORLD UNTOUCHED AND CLEAN
THE TIME BEFORE MAN CAME ALONG
WHEN THE WORLD WAS GREEN.

To The Makers Of Purex Toilet Tissue

Dear Customer service department.
I wish to discuss with you my recent purchase of a six-pack of your Purex "Strong on Softness Toilet Tissue"
I must at this point state to you,that I am a folder of loo paper,rather than a scruncher.So therfore can attest to the number of sheets required so as not to be polishing ones bum with ones hand.Which brings me to my first point.Whilst using a double fold(threfore 4 layers)I was very impressed with the softness of your paper--until I realised that the softness was due to the soap I use on my hands,rather than the softness of your product---straight through it no less--thanks. Points out of ten? strength zero--softness--zero.
Your product information tells us that it is bio-degradable.But at what point is it supposed to "bio-degrade ?" I thought maybe when it hit the water--but no,not your product,it starts to bio-degrade as soon as it comes into contact with an arse.I would like to point out to the normal user,that is too soon.
Whilst I do not expect to be able to wash,spindry and re-use your product.I do expect it to be able to carryout the very menial task of wiping my bum.without it needing to be the thickness of the Sydney Yellow Pages. Hoping you can Rectumfy the situation------yours Sincerely Tony Norman

AN ODE TO MALCOLM

My Dear Friend Malcolm in his early forties and having his first mid-life crisis has joined the Australian Army Reserves

MY ODE TO COPORAL MANNERING ABBOTT.

"Corporal Mannering Abbott ?"
"YES SIR,YES SIR,"
"Attention if you please,
stand up straight,adjust your dress,
stop shaking at the knees."
"YES SIR,YES SIR."

"You're a pretty boy,aren't you Abbott"
"YES SIR,YES SIR."
"Did you know,we're all a little gay,
how will you cope,if you drop the soap.
Abbott--what will you say?"
"YES SIR,YES SIR"

"Think you're tough,Do you Abbott?"
"YES SIR,YES SIR"
"Well,get your rifle when bugle toots
Cause you're the man for Afghanistan,
Osama's shaking in his boots."
"YES SIR, YES SIR"

"High up here,isn't it Abbott?"
"YES SIR,YES SIR"
"Have you ever jumped before?
just follow me ,go one two three,
then out the fu+kin door"
"YES SIR,YES SIR"

"Abbott?"
"YES SIR,YES SIR"
"Pull your cord,you're falling much too quick
Hey recruit,wheres your parachute?
You aint got one,have you prick?"
"NO SIR, S H I T SIR"

ODE -TO THE FOX

"NA NA-NA NA NA "
SAID THE FOX,TO THE BEAGLE CROWD.
"WE'LL GET YOU,YOU BASTARD!"
"AH AH--YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED.
AND THEM ON HORSES,WHO SIT UP THERE.
WHO THINK THEY'RE HIGHER CLASSES,
NO TALLY HO-OR OFF WE GO
GO SHOVE YOUR BUGLES UP YOUR ARSES.
CAUSE WE ARE FOXES,WILD AND FREE
BY A PARLIAMENTARY STROKE OF LUCK
WE HAVE NO FEAR,THANKS TONY BLAIR"
OOOPS--RUN OVER BY A TRUCK.

YOU SUB-HUMAN PIGS

HOW SAD IT IS .THE THE PEOPLE CHILDREN ARE TAUGHT TO TRUST,ARE VERY OFTEN THE ARSEHOLES THAT DO THE HARM IN THE FIRST PLACE-WE ENTRUST OUR CHILDREN TO MEN OF THE CLOTH.TEACHERS.SCOUT MASTERS AND EVEN THOSE THAT SIT IN JUDGEMENT ON OTHERS THAT DO CRIME,SEEM TO HAVE MORE THAN AVERAGE NUMBERS AMONG THEM THAT INTERFERE WITH CHILDREN--YOU PIGS.

YOU PIGS,
YOU DIRTY LOW LIFE PIGS.
SOME OF YOU IN GODLY GOWNS
AND SOME IN JUSTICE WIGS.
YOU HIDE BEHIND THESE CLOAKS OF HONOUR,
PUTTING FEAR INTO THE HEADS
OF ALL THESE POOR YOUNG CHILDREN
THAT YOU LURE INTO YOUR BEDS.

YOU USE THEM,YOU ABUSE THEM
YOU DIRTY SAD SICK SOD
WHATS MORE,THE NERVE TO TELL THEM
"YOUR DOING IT FOR GOD"
I HEARD YOU,I HEARD YOU TELL HIM
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS?
WELL COME HERE SON,DON'T TELL YOUR MUM
JUST DO AS FATHER PLEASES."

"DO YOU SWEAR ,TO TELL THE TRUTH ?" YOU ASK,
AS THEY STAND THERE IN YOUR COURT.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE SHOULD BE ON TRIAL
ONE DAY,I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT.
CAUSE,YOU LIKE LITTLE BOYS I HEAR
AND THOUGH YOU'RE OLD AND FRAIL
YOU MAKE THEIR LIFE A LIVING HELL,THREATS LIKE
"I'LL PUT YOUR DAD IN JAIL"

NOW,THEIR LIVES ARE IN RUINS.
AND, I BEGRUDGE EACH BREATH YOU TAKE
YOU ROTTEN PIECES OF HUMAN TRASH
-- JUST DIE, FOR GOD-NESS SAKE

YOU'LL GET YOURS YA BASTARD

SOME OF THE CRIME WE SEE AND HERE OF THESE DAYS MAKE ME SICK.LITTLE OLD LADIES AND MEN LEFT BETTERED AND BRUISED BY THUGS A QUARTER OF THEIE AGE--WHAT A HERO THEY MUST THINK THEY ARE,OR HOW SADLY DESPERATE ARE THEY? BUT,IF THE DRUGS THEY FILL THEMSELVES WITH DON'T KILL THEM FIRST,THEY TOO WILL GET OLD ONE DAY.

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND I SAW WHAT YOU DID.
YOU BEAT UP THAT OLD BOY
FOR A FEW LOUSY QUID.

OH! YOU NEEDED IT FOR DRUGS YOU SAY
AND SOCIETY IS TO BLAME.
CAUSE WHEN YOU WENT TO SCHOOL I HEAR
THEY WOULDN'T LET YOU PLAY THE GAME.
YOUR MUM DIDN'T LOVE YOU
SUFFERED FATHERS ABUSES
IS THAT IT MATE?
ARE THEY YOUR EXCUSES?

YOU ROTTEN USELESS BASTARD
WE ALL KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG.
BUT THE JUDGE,WELL HE WON'T LOCK YOU UP
WHERE WE ALL KNOW YOU BELONG.
HE'LL LISTEN TO YOU CRY AND WAIL
THEN HE'LL SLAP YOU ON THE WRISTS
AND YOU'LL BE ON YOUR WAY AGAIN
TO KISS OLD MEN WITH FISTS.

WELL,I'M REALLY SORRY MATE
THAT JUST WON'T WASH WITH ME.
CAUSE I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE YOU KNOW
AND I'M SICK OF IT YOU SEE.
BUT,THERE IS ON SOLE REDEEMING FACT
ITS LIFE'S JUSTICE ,IN A WAY
YOU SEE, YOU USELESS PIECE OF HUMAN DIRT,
YOU'LL BE OLD ONE DAY----

AND I HOPE YOU GET YOURS. TONY NORMAN FEB 2005

THE STATE OF ANGER

DON'T YOU WONDER HOW COME SOME PEOPLE CAN GET UP IN THE MORNING GET THEIR FAMILY TOGETHER AND GO OFF TO THE BEACH FOR THE DAY,YET OTHERS CAN GET UP,PLAN AND SCHEME TO GO OUT AND KILL PEOPLE,OR CONVINCE THEIR CHILDREN TO STRAP BOMBS TO THEIR BODIES AND GO AND BLOW THEMSELVES UP IN A CROWD OF PEOPLE FOR THE REWARD OF SEVENTY VIRGINS IN HEAVEN.GIVE ME THE BEACH AND ONE GOOD OLD SLAPPER DOWN HERE ON EARTH-THAT'LL DO ME.

I'D LIKE TO BUILD A BASKET,
TO ENCOMPASS ANGER STATE,
AND KEEP ALL THE PEOPLE IN IT
WHO ONLY LIVE FOR HATE.

I'D LET THEM HAVE THEIR LITTLE WORLD
AND THEY STAY OUT OF MINE.
AND IF I NEVER HEARD "OSAMA " AGAIN
WELL THAT WOULD BE JUST FINE.
JUST LET THEM LIVE ,THE WAY THEY LIVE
SURE,THEIR INNOCENTS WILL DIE
BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE US
AND DON'T EVEN WANT TO TRY.

SO ,I CALL UPON THE FENCERS
AND THE WEAVERS OF THE LAND,
TO GATHER AROUND THE ANGER STATE
WITH MATERIALS AT HAND
AND FENCE AND WEAVE,AND FENCE AND WEAVE
TILL THEY'VE FENCED THE BUGGERS IN.
AND THEN PERHAPS THE REST OF US
CAN HAVE SOME PEACE BEGIN

ALLOW NO STAMPS OF VISA
FROM WITHIN THE ANGER STATE.
LET ALL THE SOLDIERS GO BACK HOME
AND LEAVE THEM TO THEIR FATE.
PUT AWAY THE WARSHIPS
AND THE BOMBERS IN THE HANGER.
THEN MARK IN BLACK,ON EVERY MAP
"NO ENTRY,STATE OF ANGER" TONY NORMAN FEB 2005

Mad Tone Aussie Bush Poet 

What Became Of Yesturday ?

Do you remember when you were a kid? do you /wasn't life better in those days.and then we went and stuffed it all by growing up.Not that I regret growing up.the alternative wasn't very attractive,but life was fun,when I was young.

What became of yesturday?
the days when life was fun
each day a new adventure
long ago,when I was young.
When the yard was Sherwood Forest
Dad's shed the Nottingham Castle
the girl nextdoor Maid Marion
Me ? Robin Hood the rascal
my brother was The Sheriff
and we,for the Maiden fought
but we would both try to lose,for
from the winner, a kiss she sought.
and mum would tuck us into bed
the day too short it seems
and night had come to quickly
twas now the time for dreams.
When we awoke next morning
the forest was no more
instead the Arizona desert
where were trees the day before.
And my brother the sheriff,was long gone
as he jumped out of bed
Whooping ,wailing and screeching
with feathers in his head.
Robin Hood looked in his mirror
and behind him saw with fright
and quickly grabbed his six gun
There were "Injuns" there to fight
and mum would tuck us in our bed
our guns still in our hands
for night had come too quickly
out in the desert sands
"Get Up, get up" said Mum
"Jill is here to play
Her Mum has gone into town
and she is here to stay"
"But what about the Injuns"
I said reaching for my gun
just like a silly sissie girl
to come and spoil our fun.
Dad shed todays a hospital
midst our grizzles and our curses
for the only game she knows to play
is Doctors,Babys and Nurses
"Come on Patients,into bed"
Oh this game the worst
"I'll show you mine,if you show me yours"
"No,you show me yours first"
and Mum would tuck us in our beds
and ,in my prayers I'm wishing
that my friend Jill,would be well soon
for part of her was missing
What did become of yesturday,
the days when life was fun.
a life full of adventure
long ago,when I was young .